Jerry's Kundalini Experience
My kundalini awakened in September, 1992 after doing several months of intense vipassana meditation practice. The energy seemed to shoot out of my brow chakra, and I've had constant movement and sensation at brow ever since, in addition to most of the other chakras. With the advice of a meditation teacher, I continued to use vipassana techniques for 6 months, which consisted of simply observing the energy with mindfulness and with as much equanimity as possible. During this initial period I had few problems and thought then that kundalini was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me.My problems began after I did pranayama practices which had been given to me at a solo retreat I did with a sufi teacher, the pracitces including alternate nostril breathing with breath retention and visualizations. As a result of doing these practices for several weeks I developed a constant headache at brow and crown chakras that was particularly exacerbated by attempting to meditate or even focus in any way. For 1-1/2 yrs I looked for help with this problem without success. A supposedly famous chi kung master from China was in my city (Cincinnati) and I did a weekend workshop with him -- instead of helping it made the headaches much worse. I went to a high Tibetan lama, who told me that I would have to forget about being able to meditate for a long time. I took what he said seriously, but I was already headed to a retreat with a well known swami in the Kashmir Shaivism tradition.
I attended that retreat in August, 1994. In this tradition the swami's primary function is to act as an energy field for the student in the transmission of kundalini. To my amazement, when I sat with this swami, in his powerful energy, I was able to meditate without achiness in my head. I did 4 retreats with him over the next year. Although my headaches didn't go away, I felt my condition was improving and that I'd found a master who could help me the rest of the way.
However, as a direct result of the energy exchange between my swami and me at a retreat I attended in August, 1995 I became violently ill. I vomited and had nausea for several weeks; my blood pressure and pulse soared; I had vertigo so bad I couldn't drive a car; I could barely eat, at times going weeks without being able to do so, and after 3 months had lost 20% of my body weight. I had never been so sick in my life, and it actually took several weeks before I realized (after my doctor could find nothing medically wrong) that kundalini and the work with my swami had caused all this to happen. I had developed a loving and close relationship with him in a year's time, and I wrote to him, explaining what had happened and asked for his advice. He informed me through his secretary that I should work the problems out on my own. This was a blow to me, but I think inwardly I knew that it was the only way.
During the period extending from the date of the last contact with my swami (December, 1995) until March, 2001 my GI difficulties continued to gradually improve. I still had to eat a bland diet, had to sleep semi-reclining to reduce bloating from gas and had to be otherwise very cautious, but overall my situation felt stable. There have been many other problems. My sexual functioning was affected from the very beginning, as is the case with many others going through kundalini. To this day, I experience orgasms more at my brow chakra than anywhere else. For many years sexual potency was markedly reduced, such that I was unable to have a full erection and could barely have an orgasm. Also the orgasm would produce a tired, hung over effect for days. This is still pretty much the case, and I've refrained from any sexual activity the past 10 years.
I've had a low back condition since 1997 which has made it difficult to remain seated for any period of time. This has severely restricted travel and being able to do anything socially. I've suspected this is in some way related to the energy, which is known to cause low back pain. Diagnostic tests were ambiguous and doctors were unable to give a clear diagnosis.
Undergoing x-rays on my back led to a startling discovery in 1998: that I have a significant case of osteoporosis. Follow up tests revealed only one possible cause: low testosterone (testosterone level affects calcium absorption in men just like estrogen does in women). The low testosterone didn't surprise me at all, given that kundalini drastically reduced sexual potency. So I feel certain that kundalini caused me to develop osteoporosis. I have no known family history and no other risk factors for this disease, which is extremely uncommon in men my age. Not long ago, my sexual potency having improved, I tested normal for testosterone level. I haven't retested for osteoporosis to see if that has also improved.
Because of kundalini I have been unable to take nearly all medicines. This means I'm unable to take any of the drugs on the market for GI gas problems and must rely on mild antacids, which are woefully inadequate when my condition gets bad. A few years ago l had an infection from surgery to remove an ingrown toe-nail. What should have been a minor problem turned into a three month ordeal because I couldn't stay on anti-biotics. The inability to take anti-biotics makes me a very questionable surgery candidate, and I pray I never need it. I never had a problem taking medicine before. Doctors can't understand my condition or help me, so I just avoid them and try to get by on my own by taking good care of myself. Although the alternative medical community is more understanding, my energy system is too sensitive for most forms of alternative medicine also.The inability to get medical care places my health at great risk as I get older, and is one of the most stressful aspects of my kundalini syndrome.
In March, 2001 I received acupuncture from a western MD. After being harmed rather than helped in previous encounters I was naturally reluctant, but I was impressed with his knowledge of Chinese and Indian energy systems. Unfortunately, my fears turned out to be more than justified. This procedure, which is normally harmless for most individuals, wreaked even greater havoc on my GI tract, increasing the gas in my stomach to an intolerable level. I was forced onto a bland, semi-liquid diet and had to sleep sitting up on my couch.To this day, over three years after the acupuncture, I still haven't been able to return to my normal diet.
The most bizarre and pervasive effect of the acupuncture treatment has been hyper-sensitivity. Sensitivity to energy is fairly common among kundalini experiencers. But prior to the acupuncture it wasn't very pronounced with me. ln fact, I was unconcerned enough that in 2000, I allowed a group of Tibetan monks to use the upstairs of my 2-family home as their monastery. For the first four months they were there I could feel their energy at times, but it wasn't a problem. However, immediately after the acupuncture the hyper-sensitivity began. The problem was that the new hyper-sensitivity to the monks' energy would stir up my energy,which would in turn make the GI gas problem that much worse. I dearly loved having the monks here, but because their presence made me ill, I had to ask them to leave.
However, having the monks leave did not resolve the energy hyper-sensitivity problem. In fact, it grew much worse. For about a year my sensitivity was so acute that I had to virtually isolate myself. Even going to buy groceries was a problem, so I'd go early in the morning when the store was nearly empty. I'd use the drive-up window at the bank rather than risk going inside. I got my barber to agree to see me after hours after having a reaction to one of his customers. I found I couldn't have any work done on my house without reacting to the workers. I couldn't even be around family and friends. In fact, I couldn't even talk to many of them on the phone without having a reaction.
It was when the hyper-sensitivity was at its worst that I felt I needed to risk another intervention, so I received two Reiki Tummo attunements. I made this decision based partly on the positive results others with kundalini syndrome have had with RT. Because I've been unable to travel for years, I received RT long distance by Rama. Immediately after the first attunement, in December, 2003, I felt better: The very next day the hyper-sensitivity felt improved such that I felt confident enough to go out freely in public for the first time in a year. My brow and crown chakras felt more open than they had for 10 years, enabling the energy to flow more freely.
The attunement wasn't a total success, however. The energy still caused problems with excessive gas in my stomach, especially if I did the practices that were part of the RT program. Rama assured me that this would improve after I had RT 2, so with some reservation I received the RT 2 attunement on New Year's 2003, one week after RT 1. Unlike with RT 1, my system did not react well to RT 2. It felt like I was overloaded with energy, and as always, the effect was worst in my stomach, with excessive gas wreaking havoc on my eating and sleeping. Also, my head chakras felt blocked again, and I had severe headaches. Again I found that any attempt to do practices recommended by RT only made the problem much worse, so I discontinued doing them.
Thankfully, Rama was most generous with doing follow up work, and with his help, within a few months the side effects were better. It has been over 18 months since I received RT 1 and 2, and I'm now able to say that my energy flow is better than at any time since during the first 6 months of my awakening -- over 11 years ago. I'm still plagued by excessive GI gas caused by the energy, and I'm still forced to eat primarily cooked, bland foods. Also, my brow and crown chakras are not fully open yet, and I'm still somewhat hyper-sensitive to spiritual energy. But there has been genuine progress, and I'm optimistic that the worst is behind me and that my energy will continue to improve.
Knowing that someone will read this who will be curious about RT, I'd like to add a few observations. As I've stated, RT 1 definitely helped, but I experienced adverse side effects from RT 2 for a few months. Following that, I experienced no change for about 7 months, then I noticed further improvement. This probably represented continued improvement from RT, but there was a significant time lag. Regarding the difficulty I had with RT 2, I believe I would have benefitted by waiting longer rather than getting RT 2 only one week later. After so many disastrous interventions I was so grateful that I finally found something that helped rather than harmed me. Yet, even with RT, I found that I needed to be cautious and heed my own counsel, rather than submit blindly to someone else's agenda or believe that because something worked for someone else, it would necessarily work the same way for me.
It is now nearly 12 years after my energy awakened. Because of the improvement in the last year, as rough as my journey has been, I feel optimistic about my process. However, I'm not getting any younger and have some medical problems that are difficult to treat, given my hypersensitivity to medication. Although my energy is flowing more freely in the upper chakras and is less disruptive to my GI tract, recently it seems to be causing much more anxiety than before. I'm also finding now that my body seems to need much less sleep: about 4 hours per night. So, I still feel challenged by this process. I don't claim to fully understand all that has happened -- perhaps that will come also in time. I hope my story will benefit others.
© Copyright Jerry Weinstein 2005