Ravings Of A Mad Housewife
I had a spontaneous "Kundalini awakening" three years ago that I am still coming to understand. I was 36 yrs old at the time, healthy and leading a stable life. I had not been using drugs nor was I engaged in meditation or other spiritual practices, although I had been reading some books on ancient mythology.It began with recurring dreams some wonderful but others terrifying. The first recurring dream was of finding arrowheads or other Indian artifacts treasure. I started to pay more serious attention after I found a perfect arrowhead just 2 feet off my porch one day - just like in the dream! I felt led, dragged and then sometimes pushed by a force akin to my own intuition. The experience grew steadily in intensity over a 3-month period and culminated with 7 days where the dreams became even more intense and I had odd bodily sensations a light & tingly feeling, unlimited energy, and little need for sleep or eat and a strange tight feeling in my head. I went through all the emotions of dying nightly. In the day, I was experiencing a dreamy state sort of like being half-in and half-out of my body and my mind seemed flooded with realizations of both a personal and a global nature. One day, while trying to clean the toilet, (yes, housework is meditation) I was overcome with anguish as I had the realization that my children are not what they seem, but just spirits in bodies or something. Even worse than the feeling of facing my own death, I found myself sobbing into a toilet because I love them just the way they are. My emotions continued to surge from intense feelings of love to others of absolute terror. One night I awoke from a dream with the sensation of choking to death - I was dreaming of a snake coming up and out of my throat!
Throughout the experience and also afterward, I felt compelled to write about this incessantly in a journal that I call "Ravings of a Mad Housewife". Even though I had the weird sensation of being disconnected from my body and my life, I managed to continue with my regular routine as the full-time sort of "middle-aged soccer-mom" of 3 young sons throughout. My husband was fairly tolerant, but naturally quite relieved when it was over and I seemed to return to the "old me". I finally consciously rejected the experience as it threatened to overturn a life that I have chosen and committed to (under the guidance of this same spirit), and also because it was just getting to be too wild of a ride. To stay with the experience would have caused me to walk away from my life and have to live in a monastery or something an option that felt wrong to me I believe my best path is to gradually integrate this new awareness of reality into my life and bring it to the lives of those around me.
In hindsight, I believe the scary stuff was caused by two factors:
1. My resistance it was necessary to shake me loose from my old ideas about reality.
2. My encounter with my own ego personified in my dreams by a ferocious black bull that at first stood in the way of my path of spiritual discovery and then later
But, I think the worst part of the experience was that I had absolutely no frame of reference for what was happening and no one that I was close to that was able to understand. I had never accepted traditional Christianity or any other religion but in hindsight have always been a seeker of the truth. I was unprepared for where that path had landed me - sort of like having a baby all alone without even clue as to what was happening!
My journey continues, as serendipity continues to work overtime, but in a gentler way - perhaps because I am learning to be more cooperative. I have just recently been lead to this "Kundalini" thing. A book sort of "jumped off the shelf" recently called "Kundalini for beginners" by Ravindra Kumar. I read it cover-to-cover TWICE finding more in it that corresponded to my own personal beliefs and experience than I have ever encountered before. Since then, I thought, "well maybe I should check out this Yoga thing" since I have tried meditation and sort of stink at it. Then, the other night, sick with a cold and unable to sleep I turned on the TV (which I rarely do) and lo and behold a show called "Kundalini Yoga" it was 3:01 a.m. and the show had just started! And then, here I am at this website
© Copyright Laurel R. Di Tomaso 2006